From God's Arms

In February of this year, something incredible happened. Late one night, after everyone was asleep, I felt inspired to go look at the computer. I thought it was a bit of a strange inspiration, but I did it anyway. I checked email, looked at blogs--the normal stuff, and didn't find anything unusual. I went back to my room, wondering why I had felt so strongly about it, and said a prayer. As I was praying, suddenly I began thinking of my birthmother; she was all I could think about.

To give you more background information, I was adopted as a baby. It was a closed adoption; I knew very little about my birthmother. She and my parents were allowed to exchange a letter once a year (although it hadn't happend for many years) through LDS social services, so I knew just what little I had been able to glean from those letters, and also that she was 16 when I was born. Being adopted is something I have always seen as a great gift and blessing.

Anyway, after I finished praying, I curiously decided to look up "finding LDS birthparents" on my phone. I clicked on the first website that came up, and it happened to be an adoption registry. I simply put in my gender, birthdate, and state of birth, and clicked 'search', and there was a match! It came up with a profile that had been put in by someone named Cherilyn. She had entered some information about herself, and then put as much as she knew in about her birthchild. As I read the description, I was shocked to see that it was describing me! She knew that I was short, that I had one brother who was 3 years older, and that as a baby I had blue eyes and blackish hair. The doctor and hospital were a match as well. I created my own profile so I could access her contact information. I was having a hard time breathing and believing my eyes. Could it really be true that I had found her in less than 5 minutes? I woke up Brandon and told him about it. He was very excited for me, but quite sleepy.

For the next few days, I was on an emotional roller coaster. This had to be her! Should I contact her? What if she was mean or crazy? What if she wanted to take over my life? What if she didn't want anything to do with me? What would my parents think? Would they be hurt or excited? What if??? What if it was great? What if I didn't do anything about it? What if I did? What if her family didn't know about me? What if I regretted it, and I couldn't go back? What if??? Brandon was very patient and comforting through all of this, and I kept coming back to the conclusion that I really did feel prompted to look her up. It wasn't just chance that I found her. And so with faith that Heavenly Father was behind all of this, I started writing her a careful email to make sure that she really was who I thought she was, and to thank her for the choice that she had made. And I sent it.

Meanwhile, Cher had just emptied 152 messages from her junk mail folder. She always received unwanted mail from that adoption registry site, so it automatically went into her junk mail. My email went in to her junk mail just moments after she had emptied it. She may have never noticed it otherwise. But she did notice it, and it turns out that SHE WAS WHO I HOPED SHE WAS! Not only that, but it turns out that she is the opposite of what all of my fears said she would be. She emailed me back and we have been exchanging emails and pictures and getting to know each other better ever since. She is very kind and excited about me and has a sweet little family of her own. She has two cute little girls. I think they are in 1st and 3rd grade. She lives in the Salt Lake area and comes from a large family. It has been very neat, and also quite emotional for everyone involved to get to know her better and go through this experience. It has also been enlightening to see where some of my talents and traits came from. Ones that in my family are a little strange, like music and writing, are more common in Cher's family. Her mother even has a master's degree in music and a hymn in the hymnbook (hymn #8)! It is so neat to know that Cher is a great person, and I am so excited to be able to be her friend!

A couple of weeks ago when we were in Utah, we were finally able to meet Cher and her family. Brandon, Millie, and I spent a day with them, and despite both Cher and me being nervous and not being able to sleep much the night before, I think it went quite well. It is kind of like I have been able to fill in a missing piece of my puzzle. It's also interesting and exciting to look a little like someone else. :)

The day before we met Cher, my parents spoke in their Priesthood/Relief Society class about adoption. It was a neat chance for me to hear their perspective, and also to reflect again on my own feelings about it. Although I think at times this all has been a little hard for them, they have been very supportive and curious about it. I am so grateful that I was adopted. I have felt strongly many times that I was meant to be with my family, and I am so glad to have been raised by two incredible parents. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple; for me it has made me feel like I truly belong with and can keep my family forever. Perhaps you have heard the phrase "It's about love" associated with adoption. I know that is true; my parents love me as if I was their own flesh and blood... or even more. Cher showed tremendous love, both for me and for herself, when she gave me up for adoption. I have realized just how involved Heavenly Father is in our lives. He knows what we need and where we need to be, and he knows when the timing is right, and I know that when we turn to him, he can make the most difficult things turn into the most beautiful things. I have heard a few people say that they were bitter about being adopted, but I know that I have always felt double loved, and grateful.

A year ago now

A year ago at this time, I was laying in the hospital, clutching my barf-bag and oxygen mask in my shaking hands, and nearing the end of about 30 hours of labor pains. Brandon was getting very hungry and about to go find a snack (funny timing, he almost missed the birth...), and I was very "out of it," with lots of strange wires and things attached to me. We had no idea just how much our lives were about to change. Brandon rushed back to us after being called on the hospital loudspeakers, and after three quick pushes, Amelia was here!

Sometimes I say it seemed like we went to the hospital because I felt sick, but then we came home with a baby. That is how it felt to me; as if there was no way to prepare mentally for what was coming. But come she did, and though being a parent is not always easy, she has been such a joy and blessing in our lives!

22 Steps

Millie took her first step last Sunday (the 19th). We were in Relief Society, and she just stood up and took a step. I couldn't even cheer her on, because it was in the middle of the lesson. We have been working on it little by little this past week; she always does the best if both Brandon and I are there helping her.

I guess I may be a little OCD about counting steps, but Millie went from taking 5 steps in the morning yesterday to taking 22 steps right before bed! It's kind of unreal to see her learning to walk. It is so very fun to watch her learn and grow. It's amazing how it can make me feel so proud, excited, and happy, yet at the same time, a little sad, because I'm realizing she won't be a little baby for much longer. Brandon and I held a brand new baby this week, and it made us realize just how much Amelia has grown! Brandon said that he wished he had taken more time to enjoy that new, cuddly stage, because Millie doesn't just hang out and cuddle anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just freeze some moments in time so that I can always keep and remember them as clearly as when I experience them. It seems like we so easily forget what she was like before she could do what she can do now. It is a neat experience to watch her grow, and to grow with her.

The Never Ending Project

We have been working on this project every day after work and Saturdays for the last month plus, and Sheena has been working on it while I am away at work. Needless to say, we are glad to be on the home-stretch. Hopefully I can talk Sheena into posting about some more interesting things like Millie's first step etc., but I thought it would be good for me to post a little something too.

Before:

After:

8 Months and Other Happenings

I seem to have taken a long vacation from blogland. Actually, it was quite nice. I recommend it. We have had lots of interesting things going on our lives lately; here are just a few things.

Millie is now 8 months old! She seems to have quite the sense of humor... She thinks it is pretty funny to suck on our faces, dance to music, give people huge, cheesy, wrinkly-nosed grins, hang out on our shoulders, play hide and seek, make funny sounds, and pick up teeny tiny specules from the floor and put them in her mouth. She has recently decided that naps are not for her, and is lucky to get one in per day. She also likes to climb things like stairs, dishwashers, and dangerous furniture. She thinks that the proper way to get off of things she has climbed is head first. Luckily, we keep a close eye on her and haven't had any major catastrophes so far. And who couldn't love this face?

Hopefully you don't mind our laundry (it IS clean), but I had to share this picture. She loves to make this face at us... She wrinkles up her nose, squints her eyes, and smiles as big as she can. :)

We love her.

We went to California last month for some awards that Brandon got. It was nice to go on a vacation mostly paid for by Raytheon. :) And it was neat to see Brandon get his awards. We decided to try out some of the cheap or free things that there are to do around Los Angeles, because usually when either of us have gone, we have spent our time at Disneyland. The things we liked the most and highly recommend were: walking around Manhattan Beach, driving over the Venice Beach Canals, showing Millie the sand and ocean, Griffith Observatory, and a fancy breakfast here (Thanks to Raytheon). Favorite foods were: FRESH orange juice, bread, and Brunette (a hazelnut spread that the airport had to confiscate from us that came from the aforementioned fancy breakfast place), and we tried coconut water... it was quite refreshing. :)

Our least favorite parts (which we don't recommend) were: Venice Beach (we were hoping it would be a fun sort of weird, but it was more of a scary/icky-weird,), driving through Hollywood (guess we're not very into that sort of thing), and driving to "Chinatown." I say "Chinatown" because we looked it up in our GPS, and after driving about 15 minutes through some pretty scary ghetto areas (and possibly seeing drugs being passed, etc), we finally arrived at our destination. But, to our dismay, the GPS had taken us to a laundromat called Chinatown. ugh.

Overall, it was really a fun little trip!

Other goings on lately:

-I finally finished decorating Millie's room! (pictures to come, hopefully... if I get to it)

-We have started biking as a family; it's so fun! We biked through a drive-thru the other day. :)

-We were just released from the Spanish branch. We'll miss the people, but I am really thankful to have church in English again.

-AND, one of the coolest things... I contacted my birthmother. But really, this probably deserves its own post, so more on that later. :) For now, just know that it has been a good and exciting thing so far.

RSV

We have had quite a lot going on this past month, but right now, poor Millie is sick. She has RSV, ear infections, and bronchiolitis. It is so sad to see her this way! Luckily she is still a fairly happy person, despite the way she feels. She also makes us laugh a little because every time she sneezes, she blows us some nice bubbles.

Half a Year

February 9th. It's a special day for our family. It's the day Brandon and I were engaged, the day our niece Brooklyn was born, and now, it's the day Amelia turns 6 months old!

It's hard to believe that Amelia has already come from this:

And This:

To this:

And This:

Millie is...

• CURIOUS: She can now go and check out those things that she has been wondering about, and likes to spend lots of the day exploring different areas of the house and overturning baskets and tasting things. (She is currently trying to check out the DVD player)
• CRAWLING: She officially started crawling last Friday. Suddenly I need to keep a closer eye on her.
• GIGGLY: She laughs more and more these days. Sometimes we are surprised by the things she finds entertaining. It sort of gives us a new view of the world as we see through new eyes. The other night she thought that going up and down the stairs on her dad's shoulders was the funniest thing.
• MISCHIEVOUS: She LOVES to pull our glasses off of our faces, and does so without even batting an eye. She also pulls my hair and has a knack for finding the things I don't want her to find. When we feed her, she often tries to grab at any food she can get ahold of.
• TALKATIVE: In the evenings (and other times), we are serenaded with a beautiful, resonant WAWAWAWAWAWABABABAWAWA! (That's her favorite thing to say)
• GROWING: She is 25 and 3/4 inches tall and weighs 15.9 lbs.
• EASYGOING: She is generally content wherever we are (unless she is hungry or tired)
• OBSERVANT: I have been seeing more and more signs that she knows what is going on and what we ask her to do.
• LOVING: She still has wonderful cuddly moments and loves to give slimy, slobbery, openmouthed kisses (we need to work on that) on our foreheads, noses, cheeks, and today she got my eye. She also loves being kissed and played with.
• PLAYFUL: She really likes singing games and loves it when we tease her.

We are so in love with our little Millie! It is an amazing experience to watch her learn and grow. Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable for us, because we are learning and growing too. But it is so neat to see things in a different way as a parent and to feel such a deep love for her and each other.

Projects

You know those people that have those blogs that you look at and every day (or at least every week) they post some new, cute, amazing project that they have just invented in their heads and finished and taken incredible pictures of? Well, I'm NOT one of those people. :) I made a list the other day of how many UNFINISHED projects we had going on, and I listed eleven of them (eleven! at least!), some of which we've been working on for over a year. So, like I said--I'm not one of THOSE people. But, making said list has helped me focus on at least a couple of them over the past couple of days. Actually, I think I'll post some from the past couple of months. Then maybe it will look like I'm more on top of things. Regardless of how unnaturally long my projects may take me, I have really enjoyed being able to create and learn a few things along the way. So, without further ado, here are a few of my (and Brandon's) projects:

I made a couple of embroidery hoop decorations to hang on Millie's wall. Are they on her wall yet? Well, erm, no. But at least I have made them, right? I did sort of make them up out of my head, but I found a lot of inspiration online.

We have been searching for an affordable, comfortable office chair for a while, because our current one was falling apart and looked like this:

But instead, we bought some fabric and reupholstered it ourselves (it was mostly Brandon). The exciting thing about this project is that we didn't put it off very long. It only took 3 hours.

While we were in Utah for Christmas, my mom helped me make a little dress for Amelia. I found the pattern HERE. I made the headband too.

This project is one I finished TODAY! I've really been needing new pajama pants. I had an old pair that I really liked, so I used them as a pattern. They are NOT perfect, and took me way longer than they probably should have, but they are done... and wearable.

Now, only about 7 more projects to go. Why is it that it's so much easier to start them than to finish them?

Incredible Accomplishments

I am the wife and mother of some pretty incredible people. They do all sorts of amazing things. Like today, Amelia scooted about 26 feet in one go. And she makes faces like this:

Kind of like her dad does:

And Brandon... Well, He's just amazing. But you may have already known that. Recently at work, he earned not one, but two really neat awards (the SAS Excellence in Quality award and the SAS Excellence in Operations award) for making huge improvements. I guess the awards are a pretty big deal. Only five groups of five people were chosen for each award (out of about 11,700 people) They will fly us to California for a dinner to receive the awards. And that will be fun, eh? So I guess you could say I'm a little proud of my people.

Kisses!

As it turns out, Millie LOVES kisses.Today, she was a few feet away so I asked her to come kiss my nose--and she scooted on over and did it! Her kisses are sort of like sucking. It was so adorable, and I am kind of amazed that she understood what I asked for and obeyed. Yesterday, we got together with some friends who have babies her age, and when one of them started to cry a little, she leaned over and "kissed" him on the head. Ha. I can also get the most laughs out of her when I kiss her little belly. It's pretty sweet right now, but I think we'll have to keep a close eye on her in years to come.

5 months

Our little Amelia is 5 months old! It's so fun to watch her grow and progress and learn new things. A lot of people talk about how hard it is to be a parent (and it is), but it is also very special and joyful and totally worth it (especially when you make it past the first month or so)! I never realized what joy being a parent would bring. It's amazing how much we love this little person. The other day, we were driving down the road listening to her cry, yet all I could think about was how much I adored her. Before Millie, I had never felt such strong feelings for a crying baby. Is this a normal reaction for other parents to just feel so proud of their kids--to just want to tell and show everyone how great they are? To sometimes have to restrain yourself so that you don't sound like you are bragging or like your kids are the only thing you know how to talk about anymore? I love how perfect, innocent, and trusting little children are. It is neat to see their natural desire and determination to learn. I love how they force you to be weird in public and be okay with it. She has helped remind me that people need to be spoken to softly and lovingly, smiled at, and held. She has added deeper meaning to my life.

In the past month, Millie has:

• Refined her sitting skills. She sits and plays for several minutes on her own if she feels like it.
• Gone on her first big trip. We went to Utah for Christmas. She was seriously an angel on the trip, even though she didn't have a schedule. She is so easy going, and didn't make a peep on the airplane.
• Learned to roll both ways, and use rolling to get places. It's odd to go from a baby that stays put to a baby that you have to look around the room for.
• Started scooting forward (very slowly still, luckily). She is much better at going around in circles.
• Getting on her hands and knees... then pushing forward/falling over.
• Met her cousins and great grandparents and aunts and uncles
• Started eating solid food. (We have only tried rice and oatmeal so far. We didn't try very hard in Utah). She quite enjoys it.
• Started laughing and playing more.
• Learned that wrapping paper, the doctor's examination table paper, her feet, and well, just about anything is great for the mouth
• Grown her hair out to 3 inches and a bit.
• Enjoyed the thrill of having several blowouts in public places. She must like it that way.
• Become more vocally experimental
• Really started loving being sung to, especially primary songs.

Lights and Music

On Sunday, we decided to drive around and look at Christmas lights. Brandon googled it and found out about a neighborhood in a nearby town that is famed for its lights, so we headed there while blasting Christmas music on the iPod (Brandon's early Christmas present that he is ecstatic about). There were so many amazingly decorated houses! It was a great way to get into Christmas mode. There was one house in particular that made it all worth going, though.

They had the lights synchronized with the music... and there were SO many lights! It was really fun.

Also, I am a little obsessed with this song from the Christmas Devotional. It is so beautiful! I have listened to it almost every day since we watched the broadcast. I love the spirit that it brings. (sorry about the words at the bottom of it)

Speaking of Christmas music, yesterday Brandon and I went shopping and saw the happiest Salvation Army bell ringer ever. He was really working for those donations. From a distance, it sounded like he was ringing his bell to the rhythm of Jingle Bells. As we got closer, we realized he was also singing along, even though he may not have been the best singer. It was pretty fun, and I couldn't help but grin. It makes me wonder what my attitude would be if I were standing out there in the cold trying to get people to donate money (actually it wasn't that cold... yesterday was 72 and sunny...). It also reminded me of the incredible influence one cheerful person can have on the world. I want to be like that. :)

Thanksgiving

We had a super Thanksgiving! We (sort of jokingly) sent my parents an invitation to come to Thanksgiving dinner at our house, and they got airplane tickets and came! It was really great to see them. They oogled over Amelia a lot (it was my dad's first time meeting her), and we really had fun with them. It took Amelia about a week to adjust after they left because she got so much attention.

The food turned out great and the company was even better. They stayed through the weekend until Tuesday, so we got some good shopping, playing, visiting, and (of course) geocaching in.

We were grateful that they came.

Just after they left, I found out what it's like to be a sick mom. I had a pretty bad cold with a fever. In the past when I was sick, I kind of just stopped life and let people take care of me. But as a mom, you really can't do that because others are depending on you. It was a bit of an eye opener... and a tough week for me. Amelia was a little sick too. It was sad to see her in pain. My visiting teachers were kind and wanted to help, but what exactly could I ask them to do? "Here, please watch Amelia for a couple of hours while I rest. Don't worry, she'll probably get you and your little kids sick... never mind that you are 8 months pregnant... you'll be just fine." Their emotional support was nice, though. We made it through, and luckily, we are both feeling much better, and I have learned to have a little more empathy for sick moms. I also got to have Brandon read me almost an entire book out loud. What a great guy!

One Smart Cookie

Amelia rolled over today. She is one smart cookie. :)

Pigtails

Today is a special day...

It's Millie's first pigtails! (yeah, they're a little wonky... but hey, it's the first time for both of us!)