In February of this year, something incredible happened. Late one night, after everyone was asleep, I felt inspired to go look at the computer. I thought it was a bit of a strange inspiration, but I did it anyway. I checked email, looked at blogs--the normal stuff, and didn't find anything unusual. I went back to my room, wondering why I had felt so strongly about it, and said a prayer. As I was praying, suddenly I began thinking of my birthmother; she was all I could think about.
To give you more background information, I was adopted as a baby. It was a closed adoption; I knew very little about my birthmother. She and my parents were allowed to exchange a letter once a year (although it hadn't happend for many years) through LDS social services, so I knew just what little I had been able to glean from those letters, and also that she was 16 when I was born. Being adopted is something I have always seen as a great gift and blessing.
Anyway, after I finished praying, I curiously decided to look up "finding LDS birthparents" on my phone. I clicked on the first website that came up, and it happened to be an adoption registry. I simply put in my gender, birthdate, and state of birth, and clicked 'search', and there was a match! It came up with a profile that had been put in by someone named Cherilyn. She had entered some information about herself, and then put as much as she knew in about her birthchild. As I read the description, I was shocked to see that it was describing me! She knew that I was short, that I had one brother who was 3 years older, and that as a baby I had blue eyes and blackish hair. The doctor and hospital were a match as well. I created my own profile so I could access her contact information. I was having a hard time breathing and believing my eyes. Could it really be true that I had found her in less than 5 minutes? I woke up Brandon and told him about it. He was very excited for me, but quite sleepy.
For the next few days, I was on an emotional roller coaster. This had to be her! Should I contact her? What if she was mean or crazy? What if she wanted to take over my life? What if she didn't want anything to do with me? What would my parents think? Would they be hurt or excited? What if??? What if it was great? What if I didn't do anything about it? What if I did? What if her family didn't know about me? What if I regretted it, and I couldn't go back? What if??? Brandon was very patient and comforting through all of this, and I kept coming back to the conclusion that I really did feel prompted to look her up. It wasn't just chance that I found her. And so with faith that Heavenly Father was behind all of this, I started writing her a careful email to make sure that she really was who I thought she was, and to thank her for the choice that she had made. And I sent it.
Meanwhile, Cher had just emptied 152 messages from her junk mail folder. She always received unwanted mail from that adoption registry site, so it automatically went into her junk mail. My email went in to her junk mail just moments after she had emptied it. She may have never noticed it otherwise. But she did notice it, and it turns out that SHE WAS WHO I HOPED SHE WAS! Not only that, but it turns out that she is the opposite of what all of my fears said she would be. She emailed me back and we have been exchanging emails and pictures and getting to know each other better ever since. She is very kind and excited about me and has a sweet little family of her own. She has two cute little girls. I think they are in 1st and 3rd grade. She lives in the Salt Lake area and comes from a large family. It has been very neat, and also quite emotional for everyone involved to get to know her better and go through this experience. It has also been enlightening to see where some of my talents and traits came from. Ones that in my family are a little strange, like music and writing, are more common in Cher's family. Her mother even has a master's degree in music and a hymn in the hymnbook (hymn #8)! It is so neat to know that Cher is a great person, and I am so excited to be able to be her friend!
A couple of weeks ago when we were in Utah, we were finally able to meet Cher and her family. Brandon, Millie, and I spent a day with them, and despite both Cher and me being nervous and not being able to sleep much the night before, I think it went quite well. It is kind of like I have been able to fill in a missing piece of my puzzle. It's also interesting and exciting to look a little like someone else. :)
The day before we met Cher, my parents spoke in their Priesthood/Relief Society class about adoption. It was a neat chance for me to hear their perspective, and also to reflect again on my own feelings about it. Although I think at times this all has been a little hard for them, they have been very supportive and curious about it. I am so grateful that I was adopted. I have felt strongly many times that I was meant to be with my family, and I am so glad to have been raised by two incredible parents. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple; for me it has made me feel like I truly belong with and can keep my family forever. Perhaps you have heard the phrase "It's about love" associated with adoption. I know that is true; my parents love me as if I was their own flesh and blood... or even more. Cher showed tremendous love, both for me and for herself, when she gave me up for adoption. I have realized just how involved Heavenly Father is in our lives. He knows what we need and where we need to be, and he knows when the timing is right, and I know that when we turn to him, he can make the most difficult things turn into the most beautiful things. I have heard a few people say that they were bitter about being adopted, but I know that I have always felt double loved, and grateful.
